is it cowardice?

I can't stop wondering why we people are cowards, when it comes to expressing our feelings for someone...

-is it because we are feeling vulnerable when we show our real emotional self?

Is it a bad thing to tell someone that we like them for something more than just sex?

Is it a bad thing to have feelings that go beyond physical desire?

Is it wrong to want someone because of how they look, but at the same time because of how they make us feel, or because of who they seem to be?

-is it because we are afraid that they will not answer back with the same tone in their voice?

is it a bad thing to be honest about how you feel, and at the same time to be ready to be rejected or embraced?

is it that hard?

isn't it worth it?

isn't it?

People We Meet in life!

Lets face it! This is a life where we meet so many people of different personas. No single human is treated the same way the other person is! We like someone, we dislike someone, some are deeply hated by us and some are deeply loved by us too!
We even don’t share the same relationship and warmth with everyone too. Some people are extremely compatible that we tend to gel with them instantly on the first talks while some are so rude or introvert that no matter how hard you try, they always end up speaking bad words behind your back. But nothing can be done for that. Probably this is what we call life!
I always end up thinking that we meet people just because there is a reason behind it. Sooner or later, this particular ‘meeting’ affects our lives in some way or the other. I am not talking about people we meet in streets , just for a span of two or three minutes… No! Here I mean that even a small acquaintance can leave you in the memories of that particular person for the rest of your life time. It may be a small meeting at a friend’s place, ceremony, club school or a shop, the instances are endless, but they do impact our lives in a major way.
In addition to this, our thinking, way of understanding people around us and our feelings change on a daily basis as we encounter them and get to know about their personalities in a better way.
But then sometimes I think that our destiny is tied with these people. If we have to meet someone, circumstances turn in such a way that our fate makes us stand right in front of that with whom we are destined to meet. I am quite sure that you have met that best friend of yours at such a point of your life when there was every chance that you could have never met him/ her. And see now, both of you are sitting at that favorite place of yours. Once strangers, now friends!
Have you ever thought what if you have been working in some other work place, or have been to a different educational institution or stayed in a different locality?  Would you have the same persona like you have now? Would you be the same person as you are now? Certainly NOT! It means that people around us not only become a part of our destiny but also effect our personality in some way or the other.
Well, you may ask me as to what I have gained after meeting these people that I come across in my life. My simplest answer would be Yes! I have gone through a lot till now, courtesy these people and the effect which they have left on my life can’t be SHOWN but FELT! What is left in my hand at the end of the day is INTANGIBLE, but the memories are locked in my heart!
Hence, concluding my piece, I just want to say that Yes! People do have a particular part to play in our lives and it’s all destined! One never knows when he or she bumps into that special someone in the life; it can be on a street, or in a bus, in a plane…. Whatever would be the situation, JUST BE PREPARED GUYS!

my challenge

So here I am, full of life and full of dreams, up to any challenge in any given day. Except for this day when I lay in bed daydreaming about hooking and keeping my lady. I am what people perceive as a typical African, ready to conquer the world. I take pride in the fact that I know who I am, I know what I want out of life and I know where I am going. I am smart, strong, grounded,  and I am not afraid of the mirror. But I am in love.
If I am honest with myself and everyone I would admit that most of the things in my life right now do not make sense. How could they, when I don’t know whether I am coming or going. I hide behind ‘I am a man and I have the prerogative to change my mind’ when I don’t seem to make sense to anyone around me. I say this because, truth be told, I have no idea what is going with me either. If Bruno Mars is to be believed in his new song Grenade, it seems the guys also suffer from some kind of love insanity. I especially love Rod Stewart’s Track of my Tears because it tells me that his heart is breaking just like mine. Add to the list Sheryl Crowe’s Picture (feat Kid Rock) and I feel a lot better.
On days when my sanity is with me, I ask myself ‘What is wrong with you?’ When did all that matter seem to be ‘does she love me and is she missing me’? Is this what happened to all the men who happily gave up their careers to take care of her and the children? Suddenly love took over and all that mattered was her?
Is this what the future holds if I let love conquer me? Should I bow to it and let it be my ruler? Let it blind me so I don’t see how it has taken my ambition to be the CEO, driving that Lamborghini, with timeshares so I can go do what i desire to do. Let it take over so I don’t see the hair falling off my head, and the “love handles” plus extras that will shutter my mirror to pieces for ever.
Hell NO!!! In life there are boundaries and guidelines. I shall bow to love but I draw the line on the love handles.  Goodbye madness, welcome  sanity.

From the day I actually noticed her, I had dreams about her. Everyday I would..... l more and more. Eventually I became in love with her. Every second-going through my head is her name. I can't get over her.  Every night I as I lay down to sleep, I think of me someday giving her a heart necklace and loving her. I don't mean for this to happen, it just does. I shrug my shoulders and I just think of her. I love her. I can't do anything about it. I mean seriously can we ever be together i tell myself . Will we? Can we? I love her..and every night when am done with my day's work i go to see her face at least  for an hour. Every night. Everywhere I go I look for HER, I see her name, her face and the love that I have for her. 

   After awhile it finally happened i approached her and we sat and discussed about it...we both started a new adventure and now the worst is about to come .... my fear of loosing her one day! 

My Weakness Is That I Care Too Much

I don't even know where to start.
I would say that my sensitivity started after a traumatic time in my life,  so I figured that I had to keep my emotions all locked up inside. Everything that I felt just kept building up and breaking me down. I soon felt that I was the only person who would feel a certain way about things, and I would hide my emotions out of fear of what others would think.  So I had now had the idea that I should not show emotion, along with self confidence issues. I still happen to hide my emotions to this day, out of habit, and the fact that I feel vulnerable when people see me crying. I don't take constructive criticism well, because it feels like people are attacking me and it points out my flaws and makes me hate myself and feel useless.
Anything can set me off, whether it's something that reminds me of my past, a touchy subject, or something that generally makes me slightly unhappy, I START CRYING. Once I start, I can't stop, it's almost impossible. I get really frustrated easily, and when I do, I cry then too. It's like I can cry at the drop of a hat. It's really annoying and something that I wish wouldn't happen. I guess it doesn't help when my sensitivity is coupled with hormones.
I'm very empathetic and sympathetic towards people, and because of this, I want to help them. I usually worry about them too much and end up getting hurt. I can also pick up on peoples' emotions and tell what they're feeling, and take on that emotion. As hard as I try, I can't stop myself from feeling other people's emotions. That's why I dread going to school everyday, everyone is so negative and it brings me down. My friends thinks that I am a strong, happy person. Wait until they finds out that this their friend is a sappy wimp that cries at everything.
I obviously care too much, otherwise, my sensitivity wouldn't bother me. My sensitivity is a weakness which makes me feel vulnerable.

growing up

Growing up is always the hardest thing in life, Believing what's always felt good comes easily. But growing up requires accepting truths that our younger selves denied. Growing up is hard work.
Because the path to maturity has no end, it's wise to focus on journeying well. Along the way, emotionally healthy adults achieve the profound awareness that they do not know far more than they do know. The realization serves as an indispensable ally. But growing up in a military environment is surely the hardest and toughest of them all especially in a country were development is a major agenda and education is not in it's easiest of forms. Air Force Military school was, is , and will never be a walk in the park to pass through. situated in Jos, Plateau State. Waking up as early as 4am after going to bed as early as 12am sounds surprising, but believe me that is early, bullying was said to be part of training and food doesn't taste like that of mother's neither does it feel the tummy but what you can always count on is friends who have got your back what ever you got yourself into, friends who are ready to handover their live to cover an offense you have done. it was really hard growing up in an environment like that. were insults to mothers were a daily routine among students. always leaving the life of an antelope in the  wild as to escape the lions (senior student). Life was tough but at the same time learning  it's meaning and becoming a man. Reason, emotion, fact, and fallacy, the human brain processes all four. Decisions emerge. With each decision, people grow-or not. The willingness to learn how to blend emotion with reason and make good decisions is a prerequisite for growth.

Journey

Life is a remarkable journey that takes us up and down a road of happiness, growth,  interaction, love, fear and sometimes pain and hardship, which comes with all the good we are blessed with. Everyone has their own journey, yet we all experience the same emotions and struggles that  are synonymous with life. Our journey will begin with our cry at  birth and end with our last breath at  death.
From birth to death we are always experiencing sensations from the world we live in. We are nurtured, loved, taught and grow,  through  every good  and bad  we encounter. Every stage of our life prepares us for the next. We learn to be social beings by interacting with  everyone who crosses our path. We learn about each other through communication, intellect and emotion.
As we travel along our own road we remember people who were once an important part of our lives. We may not see these people anymore but, they  will always be thought of  on our journey of discovery. They will be tucked away in our minds and hearts.  Relatives, old friends, teachers and mentors  have aided us in our development and also helped us along this remarkable journey of existence. They created our foundation of growth and have contributed to who we are.
We hit milestones as babies and prepare for many years of school and learning. We sometimes move from one house to another, date different people, travel or stay local. As we age and our body goes through the many  transformations from birth to death we can visually observe these  changes that  take place in our lives. We start out  vulnerable and dependent and, before the journey is completed we can easily end up vulnerable and dependent once again as we  age, and it becomes harder to do the same things we once did.. The road seems to come full circle as we become elderly and  in need of assistance once again like we did as infants.
from the experiences we obtained.
We should not rush through our journey, because, every stage along the way can never be taken back. We will  not physcially  pass through again. We need to continue forward as life does not give us a do over. Life is short and as we look back, it seems like it was yesterday,  when it very well may have been many years, that  we were in a particular place, at a particular time, feeling a certain emotion.  
The destination is not the goal. Although those of us who believe in a heaven should prepare and be good people on earth to obtain the final glory of peace and tranquility with our God.  But,  as we live our lives we should always take  time traveling along our journey.  We should remember all the goodness and experiences that crossed our path and realize each stop along the way is part of the whole picture. The complete snapshot of our lives.
Life is a continuous journey of wonderful experiences that shape us.  We should always embrace our joys and sorrows, knowing that it is all part of where we are going and who we are. The happiness that we feel, and the many emotions we have will take us up and down this magnificent road of beauty, love, peace, joy and loss that is all  truly part of life's journey.  Every step along the way should be savored, understood and enjoyed as it is meant to be in order to make this unique remarkable journey complete. This is the beginning of mine am starting to tell the world, i hope u follow patiently.