Death

It's been few days since I last saw you,
And already I'm feeling the pain,
I held back tears as you walked away,
Knowing one day i shall see you again,
Now I watch the clock as time slips by,
As my life slowly terminates,
I don't want to live, but I'm afraid to die,
I guess I'm in the hands of fate.

Time stands still for no one in its forward roll,
And I'll never travel back to you,
And if I bear that in mind, maybe I can carry on,
Until my miserable life is through,
As I wrestle with the sorrow of a broken affair,
I'm sinking down into a lake of tears,
Struggling to break the surface, I can hardly breathe,
Each breath fills my lungs with fear.

As paranoia cackles its scorn at me,
And madness seeps through my veins,
I get the strangest feeling of ambiance,
Among the shadows driving me insane,
Memories crawl back just to break my heart,
Spilled visions of you steal my breath,
I want to curl up in a corner and fade away with the “kalmatush shahada”   in my mouth
Into the welcoming arms of Death.

"YOU WERE THERE FOR ME"

Words escape me
at this moment
that seems like the end
yet it is only the beginning
when friendships are close
and dreams are far
you were there for me.
Tears fill me
with memories of both good and bad
some nearly forgetton
yet all dear to the heart
you were there for me.
In times of trouble
and in times of thanks
you stood by my side
and held me up.
Through your ever-patient ears
to your comforting hugs
you were there for me.
From that first day
when I saw you and knew
that you would like me for who I was
you were there for me.
And until the day
when we are old and gray
I will always know that
you are there for me.

Dedicated to my best friend Deola

I Miss You......

Summer isn't the same without you it's a bitter old cliche but I miss your laughter at the start of spring and I miss your company at the end of day.
Summer isn't the same without you I miss your cunning claws as you bat me away as I teased you into striking my face red raw but smiling.
Summer isn't the same, I miss hearing your voice and seeing you smile,
Just being with you and hanging out a while.
Your laugh was addicting and so was your smile now everything's changing
 And I'm stuck in denial.

FEELINGS of a Heart

Pictures of U consume my innermost thoughts,
Whispers that tell me to write intimate songs.
Every spoken word amounts to everlasting praise,
Lost in oblivion as I find beauty in ur  face.
The voice u utter is like chains of silence,
Happily bounded as long as the chemistry is balanced.
Far from the horizon I hear screams of passion,
Miles that separate us from immediate actions.
Nothing compares to ur thoughts.  life is pleasing
Hoping to touch ur hand and kiss it within reason.
Dreams of  U engulf the worries of lonesome nights,
I envision ur sparkling eyes in the breaking of sunlight.
Joy fills my heart when u occupy that  moment,
With each passing hour I remain calm and open.
The sensation moves me into realizing  true feelings
No infirmities can replace the girl that  you are <3

I love you BUT I can't tell you

Tell me why I feel this way,
And why I can't tell you.
I feel things for you,
That I've never felt for anyone,
Yet I can't tell you.
I don't know if you feel it,
And I can't ask you.
I'm willing to forsake anything,
Anyway I can get you,
If I can't have you as my love.
Then I want you as my friend,
I can't tell you any of this.
I'm afraid I'll lose you,
I'll lose your laughter
And the sweet tease.
But I can't tell you.
With your mind and heart,
I want you to love me.
With everything you have,
The way I feel for you.
But I can't tell you.

My future wife

 

Here I am, thinking about you again and wondering if you’re thinking about me. I have come to the point where I am finally starting to give up striving and trying to make my own plans and my own timing work. I am starting to learn to rest my mind and my heart in God’s plan and His timing. As the name of the book I just got from a friend says, “I Gave God Time”. That’s all He needs to pull off the biggest miracles– time.

So I pray that your heart is at rest. That you are comfortable where you are and not striving like I have been most of my life. I pray your heart is captured and captivated by Almighty Allah and that you are so in love with His prophet Muhammad (saw) and his teachings. And that he has become everything to you and every other thing in your life falls back into its proper place.

I pray that you are fully coming alive to all that God made you to be. That you know where your beauty comes from and that you treasure your femininity as a gift from God..

I pray that your heart is being set free to love. That all your fears and insecurities are driven away and that peace will rule your heart and mind. I pray you look at every heartache and heartbreak as a means of molding you into the woman who will completely dazzle me.

Waiting is hard, but the longer the wait, the more we will treasure finding each other. I can’t wait to be your husband and do all I can to be a part of unveiling your true beauty for the world to see. I am waiting for that day, letting God transform me into the man you deserve.

Until then, take courage, dear heart. The night seems long but dawn is just around the corner. Hold on.

Greatest Gift

A mother's love is a gift from God. A special gift that can't be replaced. Having a mother like you while growing up was the greatest gift and biggest advantage anyone could ever have given me. It is because of the confidence and values that you installed in me,  your  a fighter, a lover, my staff and my rod. You taught me some of the biggest lessons in life. You protected me from harm and danger and you wiped my tears when they've shed from my eyes. There's nothing like a mother's love, because she's a women of love and care. A mother will do anything for her offspring it doesn't matter if she’s human or animal, they all show the same character traits. Having you in my life through out my infertility has been a literal life and sanity saver for me. If there was a text book on how to be the perfect mother to an infertile child, it would have you as the role model.

Through the issues in my life, my mother has never left my side. She's the only one who has been there for me and the only one to understand me as a child. No she's not a single parent. My mother is the only woman I know who can go through pain and heartache and still manage to smile. Her smile is so warm and gentle filled with passion and love.  My mother's love is nothing like anything else that's why it can't even be compared. She kept me afloat and am truly grateful.

Thank you for your unwavering support through out my journey.
Thank you for taking me to hospital and sitting with me through all those consultations, tests, injections and telling me I will be alright.

Thank you for always taking an interest in what am doing in school or at home.
Thank you for teaching me that smoking or taking drugs doesn’t add a worth to my life.
Thank you for all the smiles you put on my face when my anger crosses the way.
Thank you for always having hope in me when I didn’t have for myself.
Thank you for telling me not to give up in school when I don’t do well.
Thank you for never giving up on me..
Thank you, for every thing you have done for me, thank you for every thing you have said, and for all the times when you said nothing and just listened
Thank you for teaching me how to pray, making me pray and also praying for me. I will never stop praying for you.
Thank you.. thank you.. thank you... For a trillion things, for everything. I don’t know what I would do without you. There are so many many more things, small things, big things
Thank you “Umma” , I love you, more than words can ever express. Your love is nothing like anything else that's why it can't even be compared.