Greatest Gift

A mother's love is a gift from God. A special gift that can't be replaced. Having a mother like you while growing up was the greatest gift and biggest advantage anyone could ever have given me. It is because of the confidence and values that you installed in me,  your  a fighter, a lover, my staff and my rod. You taught me some of the biggest lessons in life. You protected me from harm and danger and you wiped my tears when they've shed from my eyes. There's nothing like a mother's love, because she's a women of love and care. A mother will do anything for her offspring it doesn't matter if she’s human or animal, they all show the same character traits. Having you in my life through out my infertility has been a literal life and sanity saver for me. If there was a text book on how to be the perfect mother to an infertile child, it would have you as the role model.

Through the issues in my life, my mother has never left my side. She's the only one who has been there for me and the only one to understand me as a child. No she's not a single parent. My mother is the only woman I know who can go through pain and heartache and still manage to smile. Her smile is so warm and gentle filled with passion and love.  My mother's love is nothing like anything else that's why it can't even be compared. She kept me afloat and am truly grateful.

Thank you for your unwavering support through out my journey.
Thank you for taking me to hospital and sitting with me through all those consultations, tests, injections and telling me I will be alright.

Thank you for always taking an interest in what am doing in school or at home.
Thank you for teaching me that smoking or taking drugs doesn’t add a worth to my life.
Thank you for all the smiles you put on my face when my anger crosses the way.
Thank you for always having hope in me when I didn’t have for myself.
Thank you for telling me not to give up in school when I don’t do well.
Thank you for never giving up on me..
Thank you, for every thing you have done for me, thank you for every thing you have said, and for all the times when you said nothing and just listened
Thank you for teaching me how to pray, making me pray and also praying for me. I will never stop praying for you.
Thank you.. thank you.. thank you... For a trillion things, for everything. I don’t know what I would do without you. There are so many many more things, small things, big things
Thank you “Umma” , I love you, more than words can ever express. Your love is nothing like anything else that's why it can't even be compared.

Tribute to my Best Freind :'(

This is to my friend who lost his life fighting a cardiac disease.
R.I.P. Muhammed Abdulmajid

Holding to what I’m feeling
is the way i cross my 24 hours
feels like heavy red blood being poured on me
through dark beastly showers!
I still see you in front of my eyes.
You must be looking at me
from where you are
but I wish i could change what was meant to be!

I keep your picture in my pocket
my mind can’t focus on anything
it just wants you to breathe
and fly back down and nothing more!
May May Almighty Allah Join us back in Jannatul Fidaus
because everyday I wept rivers since you left

Your carefree laughter
our very own high fives
i miss them all!
I can't ask God why you, Because Destiny must just BE!
It's hard to believe you are gone
I can’t find you anywhere
I miss you so bad.
there’s you in everything I do
I cant go to our loved places
for the fear of missing you
but I still try to find you in those different faces!

You must be eyeing our deeds
from the Holy grand heaven
I can do nothing but just pray for your soul
May Allah rejoin us in Jannatul fidaus!

Questions of thought

 I was reading various interview questions asked to famous people (who actually have a platform to voice out their thoughts) over a period of time and I chose some which caught my attention and I would've liked to answer differently. According to me, the interviewed people didn't quite do justice to them. Just random thoughts :)

Here goes something.

1) What do you consider to be the most beautiful thing in the world?

A smile that reaches one's eyes.

2) When do you tell a lie?

When the other person does nothing but.

3) What’s your super power?

Right self-evaluation. It keeps me from thinking I have super powers.

4) What’s your favourite language?

Logic

5) What's your take on George Bush?

Sure, I'd LOVE to take on George Bush. The old man wouldn't stand a chance.

6) Which country would feel like home to you?

A country where black, brown and white are just colours on an artist's palette, where the difference between male and female is just the letters 'fe', where guns and bombs are words which are extinct from the Oxford Dictionary, where rich and poor are only used to measure one's sense of humour.. too bad it doesn't exist, and hence, I will never feel at home.

7) Do you listen to others?

I'm sorry, I missed that one, I was talking about myself to me. :P

8) Do you think there is a difference between confidence and arrogance?

Yes I'm confident there is, but I'm too arrogant to say what it is.

9) If you were reincarnated, what would you like to come back as?

Refer question 6). I wouldn't like to come back.

10) Are you a cat or a dog person?

Neither. I'm a snake person. :)

11) What is life?

You roll the dice, you're stuck with the career you land on, you halt and marry, increase a pink/blue token on your car, travel all the yellow squares trying to earn lots of money, until you finally spin the rainbow wheel for the last time and 'retire' with lots of coloured money which has no value in the end.

12) How can we be happy?

By thinking we can be.

13) What is self-help exactly?

If I'd tell you, it would defeat the purpose now, wouldn't it? :P

14) If you were a word, what word would you be?

Trustworthy & Honest. I know you said 'a word', but this is my blog.

15) Why can we not live forever?

Because we spend our lives thinking about how to, and eventually, it kills us.

16) If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?

A man.

17) Do you constantly dwell on the past?

'Dwell' yes, 'constantly' no.

18) Do you care what others think about you?

I just care about whether I'm being thought about.

19) What will you choose to never wear?

A frown...

20) What can one do to change the world we live in?

Start with the Man In The Mirror...or move to Mars. Both work. ;)

21) Who are you really?

I am really just me, and I choose to keep it that way

To my future wife

I found myself thinking about you today. Wondering where you are, what you�re thinking and doing. It hurts a little not to be with you, but I can live with that for now, knowing that we�ll spend the rest of our lives together.

 I am writing you this letter so that you understand better the road we are going to travel and where we are heading as God's creatures who are burdened by the Almighty in this temporal world. So that we will be better prepared to mutually understand, to mutually empathize and to be grateful for what have been outlined by God for our family.

 I think a lot about chastity � modesty and purity in my thoughts, words, the way we dress and act � how it�s a building block for a perfect love that casts out all fear. And sex before marriage brings many fears � pregnancy, STDs, the emotional scars associated with broken relationships. So, in the search for perfect love, it only makes sense to practice chastity and wait until you�re married to give yourself to the person you love. And --- OUR marriage will bring with it the and build our future together.

My future wife, if one day I don't make you happy like all other days , forgive me. But as a husband, I will always try my best to be the best!
My future wife, you know I'm not a perfect person in every way. So help me improve it with your advices, your criticisms and anything that can make the obedience to God increases everyday.
When God blesses Us
Teach our children that it is far honourable to fail than to cheat...
Teach them to have faith even if everyone tells them they are wrong...
Teach them to be gentle with gentle people, and tough with the tough.
Teach them to be angry when the truth is humiliated, teach them to fight against any oppression on anyone. Advices them to help each other to continue to be obedient to Allah and His prophet.

Maybe I am expecting too much from you, too demanding on you and asking what might be too heavy for you. But believe me, I as a husband will try to be a good companion, a loyal listener to your inputs and advices, to help each other to continue to be obedient to Allah and His prophet!

You may have been waiting and looking for me all the while. You may be starting today. Either way, we�ll know when we�ve found each other; we�ll be together for the rest of our lives and the wait will have been worthwhile.

All My Love,

Your Future Husband

my letter to Tish.....

I Still Love You,
There is no one to blame but myself for all the things that got you  angry and made you push me away
I know it’s been  tough
but I want you to know this 
This person  still loves you.

Of all the girls I have ever felt love for you are the most unique.
If only for your astonishing abundance of sense of humor 
And  your  still  existence in my heart!

It’s not fair for I know what I tried to do wasn't right,
That I  wanted to  suck up all the love and care you built in many years
But be  rest assured though, that unlike the John Waters inspired “trashy-chic”  the love I have for you is genuine.
Much like the crematorium on Falls Road that fills the late night with the scent of Life  ,
You’re odd in a purely un-ironic way.
And that’s why I love you!

Yes, I admit it’s true; that I've been a Jerk
known to have  describe you as the  unfamiliar.
But do not take this as an insult.
please but as cries of help by an unwanted frustrated lover!

It’s your open heart that I find so attractive. So young
You’re special, With a Mother's heart!
It's great being able to know you and
Look through into each others' troubles .
I can't  even deal with the ever present warmth you always showed 
having to sit down and talk my problems with you.

However, I have to admit letting you go was never my option and it's still isn't.
I know you thought I dropped everything to rest, but believe me my heart promised itself never to let you out!
It has locked you up as a prisoner serving a life sentence  and no any other person can unlock that.
I like you a lot more than you imagine
You are the Rock that makes me Roll

I just wish we never met
What I’m saying is, it’s not you , it’s me!
Am afraid of becoming an obstacle for your love life!
But there again meeting you was a landmark to my life..
And I will always put a star at that point!
Sorry for the trouble that I put you and your heart through!
God knows that I'd do anything for a part 2.
I'll be praying for the day you come back to me, saying that you love  me!

beginning.....

Life had been very cruel to me, I had been battered with lots of emotional ups and down for as long as i remember. I thought it came to end when i finally met ............., unfortunately she was gone.

And here I am, alone, deserted, and feeling neglected again.

I thought i was about to write happy moments to share with you, I thought my blog will be filled with entries full of hope and happiness, but then i spoke to soon, and here i am writing another stuff from my broken heart.

I cannot refrain from crying, my heart just can no longer contain the hurt and loneliness, I just want to cry my heart out, the loss, the pain, and the feeling of loneliness just keep pulling me down to the abyss of darkness, and i am left with this broken dreams, and another broken heart.

Have i been so bad that i am being punished and all those that i love just cannot be with me?

Why have you left me ...........?

OH GOD! Please help me, give me strength to face all the trials you brought upon me. Guide me and please do not release my hand from your grasp, i need you to help me as i journey in this troubled path.

I feel i had been battered to much, i cant take it anymore.

HELP ME, SAVE ME, GUIDE ME, that i will be able to reach another day with the promise of a good sunrise

is it cowardice?

I can't stop wondering why we people are cowards, when it comes to expressing our feelings for someone...

-is it because we are feeling vulnerable when we show our real emotional self?

Is it a bad thing to tell someone that we like them for something more than just sex?

Is it a bad thing to have feelings that go beyond physical desire?

Is it wrong to want someone because of how they look, but at the same time because of how they make us feel, or because of who they seem to be?

-is it because we are afraid that they will not answer back with the same tone in their voice?

is it a bad thing to be honest about how you feel, and at the same time to be ready to be rejected or embraced?

is it that hard?

isn't it worth it?

isn't it?